Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hairspray (2007)



  1. This movie does three things wrong:

    - It puts John Travolta in makeup that looks like a horrible blend of the "white chick" makeup from White Chicks and the Fat Bastard costume from Austin Powers. It's like a constant parade of carnival sideshow train wreckage every time he's on the screen.

    - It makes Michelle Pfeiffer not look attractive. Stardust proves that Michelle Pfeiffer is not yet so old that she's unattractive (Which, well, at this rate she's never going to be that old), so I blame Hairspray.

    - It equates discrimination against fatties with bigotism and racism.

    Too bad, because the rest of the movie is pretty high-spirited good fun. Well, the musical numbers aren't all very solid. In fact, the dancing is flat-out boring when the cool black people (And they're all cool) aren't on-screen. Considering the movie's anti-segregation plot and message (Which comes along only decades too late to be relevant - if you haven't gotten on that particular train by now then I'm sorry, you're fucked), I suppose it could purposefully be full of awesome black people and retarded white people. It plays that "They're missing something awesome if they keep this shit up" card perfectly.

    Oh, and I'm well aware of what this movie has to do with the actual issues of "today" - but, apparently, the best it can do there is stick John Travolta in horrifying drag and hit us over the head over and over again about how stupid Michelle Pfeiffer is by being stupid. I don't feel like encouraging that sort of crap. Hairspray doesn't have the balls that its lead character has, and so it doesn't bother trying to share some blunt truth like she fearlessly does.

    I liked the lead character (Played by Nikki Blonsky) quite a bit, but I'm not gonna pretend that she isn't fat or that obesity is something to be proud of. So I'm really not seeing eye to eye with this movie, I guess, but I swear I'm all for abolishing segregation. It's about damn time, ain't it?

    This is a Broadway adaptation that probably in no way surpasses the original musical - but it has Christopher Walken, so it's not all mediocre.

  2. In a fit of irony that I forgot to mention, one of the major plot devices is that the protagonist's school has a detention class that is always full of dancing black people and nobody else (Until she herself gets sent there). In fact, these are apparently the only black kids in the school, and they are apparently ALL there all the time. That seemed a bit unusually unfair no matter how you interpret the situation (Either the teachers are all steel-minded racists or the students are all deserving of this treatment... all the time?).

  3. Weird.

    You saw Hairspray.

    love the Travolta pic!


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